oh hai guyz

Hey, brahs! How ya doin' man? Its been a while man, life's so rad. This blog's my favorite, man, don'tchu love it. You want a blog post? Oh man, I'm so glad we're all back together and stuff, this is great man.


To answer the only question most of you fans are asking (and by saying 'fans' I mean myself and some creepy old guy who seems to be subscribed to this website)... I HAVE RETURNED!


I'd like to keep this short. And I'll try, but no guarantees. Okay? Okay. I'll organize my ramblings into an easy-to-read (or maybe not even at all) list for your convenience!

1) Sum-herr So, like, remember that one time where I was all like, "HEY ITS SUMMER IMMA MAKE A POST EVERDAY LOL"? Well, that never worked out. And I got really freaking tired of it. And that kind of led to me not posting anything at all for a month. Yeah, well, I'm not promising anything this time around. Actually, you know what? I will. Its the first day of summer for myself, and I'm not going to make a delightful post everyday. Neither will I make those random posts about "feelings" because this is a MANLY BLOG and we don't regurgitate our "Oh man why does the world hate me noone understands me sob sob queque" Tumblr sheeeeeit here.


But you know what I WILL promise? I promise to put up crap whenever I feel like it. If I have something to say, that I think you nice people will enjoy reading, such as topics revolving around poop-flavored popsicles or how Koffings powered the gas chambers at Auschwitz, I will. Okay, maybe that last one was a bad idea. But if you've read ANYTHING at all on this website, you know what I like to write about.

I seriously haven't posted anything here in about a year, and I've got a couple ideas. You'll just have to see if I stick to continuously doing anything other than eating stale Cheetos and watching Family Matters this summer.

2) Steve Jobs = :( Technology has decided its on strike with me as of late. Two months ago, my beloved iPhone decided to go into a coma. Not long after, my Mac's harddrive blew up. "But Josh," you may ask yourself. "I really don't give a rat's ass about your crap." Well, first of all you totally should, and second, it means I've lost everything that I've illegally downloaded over the years! Music, old pictures, videos I had made... but most importantly, Photoshop.

Now that I'm resurrecting the Jlog, its kind of an essential tool to have. Seriously. I'm sure you can look at the main page and find at least a bajillion pictures I've vomited up with Photoshop. Or, you know, just look at the blog's background and everything and realize EVERYTHING was made in Photoshop.

So, sadly, until I figure out a solution, blog posts may lack my patented artistic skill. You'll just have to live for now.

But that leads to my next problem nobody cares about...

3) Redesign
I'm planning on polishing what everything looks like here around the site, but obviously I'll need a program do that. And I mean, I've probably only used the current style for, like, what, 5 posts sometime last year? Maybe a little Swiffering and you shouldn't care.

Also, as you can see, I finally removed the 4th of July stuff. You might just think that I left it there for a year because of forgetfulness, but that's the not the reasoning at all! I was promoting patriotism, and, uh, democracy all year round. It stood for freedom and sacrifice and high-glucose foods.

And then I saw THIS.

So, just changed the blog back to the original flavor. I think you'll find it... tasty.

So yeah, that's all. Maybe I'll write something meaty tomorrow. Maybe not. Maybe I'll forget about doing anything until August 2011. Its a surprise!

...I guess this wasn't very short. Sowwy.







Oh yeah.


Mountain Dew: GAME FUEL and Soda Throwbacks!

If you recall last summer, Pepsi released a line of Mountain Dews that were only to be released in the season. Only one of these three flavors lasted (Voltage, the one I only kind of liked). The trio kind of symbolized Summer '08 in a way for me, as it was something I always looked forward to drinking every night.

So you can guess what my excitement level was when I found out they were tossing out some new Mountain Dews to kick off Summer '09 - The new Game Fuel duo. These sodas are closely promoted with World of Warcraft, much like Code Orange Sierra Mist was last year alongside Get Smart. Each flavor is supposed to show your "siding" towards which Warcraft race you slide towards - the Horde or the Alliance.

Luckily, I'm not a nerd. I take no sides. I just drink to drink the drink.

Quite frankly, I'll just say I was a little disappointed. Only one of the Dews is new, and there aren't three like last summer. But hey, nobody said they were making a tradition out of these Mountain Dew releases.

Do you still want to try these out? Well, for the sake of PURE SCIENCE, and based SOLELY off the will to serve YOU, my fanbase, I taste-tested both.

First is the Red Game Fuel. In 2007, this stuff was packaged as Halo Game Fuel to conincide with the release of Halo 3 on the Xbox 360. It was met with mixed reviews, because many said it was way too sweet or just plain gross. The concotion is listed as "a blast of citrus cherry flavor."

To my tastes at least, it wasn't bad, but it doesn't taste much like cherry. You taste the citrus alright, but a lot of the problem with the flavor identity crisis is the fact that there is WAY too much sugar in this drink. I know, I know, Mountain Dew already contains a huge amount of the stuff, but this soda has even more.

If you don't mind overly sweet and sticky liquid, try this one out. Its not bad, but it isn't something that will make you run to the liquor store to pick-up.

Next, is Blue Game Fuel. This flavor is entirely new and is supposed to taste like "wild fruit flavor." As far as I could sense from Internet ramblings, this one was the better of the bunch, much to my liking.

Before I get into how the pop tastes, let me begin with a little story. When I decided to drink the Blue Game Fuel, I thought it would be a little more classy to pour it into a red paper cup with ice unlike the previous Game Fuel. I proceded my regular routine as usual until only a few hours later. I got up to use the bathroom, and while looking at my regularly beautiful face in the mirror, I see something that is off. What could possibly make you LESS beautiful, you ask?


They weren't the color you get when you're cold. They were'nt just pale. My lips were DARK BLUE. Sorry that I don't have pictures.

When I noticed this, I licked my lips hoping to maybe wash the coloring off. I even tried swashing toothpaste over them. But, low and behold, nothing.

Long story short, my last result to get this color from contaminating my perfect mouth was to PEEL the skin off. I litterally pulled all of the skin off of my lips.

The lesson of the story is this: There is probably two gallons of blue dye in this Mountain Dew. Once I had to go through this painful endeavour, I returned to my spot in the living room to find that the inside my empty cup that I was drinking the toxic from was, indeed, dyed blue. If that doesn't give you any idea of what color this is, you're beyond repair.

But, like others had thought, the Blue Game Fuel was definitely better than the former. No, I still could not taste the "tropical fruit" flavor due to the sugar amount, but the sugar amount in this one had a certain taste about it that benefitted it positively. If you're going to pick up one Game Fuel and one Game Fuel only, make it the Blue one.

But here's a tip: Don't drink it out of a big-grip glass or cup. Unless you enjoy dye all over your facial features.

Also, before we part our ways for the day, there is one more thing I wish to share with you guys that I forgot to do months ago - Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwbacks.

These sodas were advertised as returning the formulas to their roots by using 100% pure cane sugar. The most eye catching appeal to these bottles and cans are their use of the original Pepsi and Mountain Dew logos from the olden' days.

Here's my quick thoughts on them:

Pepsi Throwback tasted a lot like Diet Pepsi for some reason, but it was very different from regular, 2009 Pepsi. It tasted "fresher," lacking words to describe it. Pepsi isn't my cola of choice, but I thought this one wasn't half bad.

Mountain Dew Throwback is another story. I just didn't like it. It was like Mountain Dew but without any flavor. And no, I don't mean there was so much sugar in it that it blocked the taste like I mentioned in my reviews above, but it just didn't include an pizazz. Maybe I picked up a stale stray? Who knows, but I just thought 'whatever.'

Well, there ya go. Have a nice drive home.
(Also, I am still adding changes here and there to the layout, so keep coming back if you want to check in what's going on ;])